Accurate Dog Personalities That Hit Close To Home

Author image for Eric Lund
Eric Lund
Oct 26, 2019 6:00 PM EDT

Yeah, they cover just about everyone you'd see on the street. If you see yourself or someone you know in here, don't feel bad, just realize that we're all just a bunch of predictable jackasses.

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  • 01
    Dog clothes - Darlene, 83, widowed, reminds u to chew your food, writes $12 checks
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  • 02
    Cartoon - Broderick, 45, sax player, wears driving gloves, only carries $100 bills, has cane for literally no reason, favorite saying: "hey baby ShitheadSteve
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  • 03
    Dog - Samantha, 24, from the suburbs but pretends she lives in the city, snapchats herself driving her mercedes to work everyday, worships martinis and everything they stand for shitheadsteve
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  • 04
    Dog - Liz, 23. Once put a filter on a filter. Claims to be a free spirit but follows the crowd. Hasn't pooped in 5 days.
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  • 05
    Snout - Gerrard, 55. Professor of english literature. Invites himself to student parties.
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  • 06
    Dog - Curtis, 33. Audio engineer. Always wears Converses. Only listens to "real" hip-hop. Host a slam poetry open mic. @barkpbst
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  • 07
    Dog breed - Betty 26, but looks 35. Convinced male dogs are walked more.
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  • 08
    Dog - Gage, 24 documentary film enthusiast shares global warming articles on FB medicinal marijuana patient, drives a Prius #FeelTheBern
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  • 09
    Dog breed - Trevor 33. Brews his own craft beer. Was a lumber sexual before it was cool. Listens to vinyl. Took improv at UCB
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  • 10
    Dog - Sharon. Has never worked. Xanax prescription. Loves salad, hates her husband. She can even, she just choose not to Ochihuahua chloel
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  • 11
    Dog - Phil, 40. Planned family vacation to Niagara Falls. Wife expected more, kids bored & he's considering jumping in.
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  • 12
    Text - Eric, 28. Collects vinyl, quit cigarettes but still bums them.
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  • 13
    Shetland sheepdog - Joe, 48. Goes to golf toumaments just to yell jackass, loves him some grub from the red lobster.
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  • 14
    Dog - Barbara, 53, makes a mean casserole, racist, want some jelly beans? Proud member of mothers against marijuana, she already called the police
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  • 15
    Dog - Sharon, 35. Recently divorced, smokes menthols. Uses expired coupons, asks for a manager anyway.
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  • 16
    Vertebrate - Keri, 24. Has $170 sandals. Walks barefoot. Has a "Live, Laugh, Love" sign in her room. Sells daisy chains on Etsy
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  • 17
    Hair - Greg 19, but goes by G. Dropped out of college after a month but got a degree in life after backpacking in Costa Ricka for 2 weeks
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  • 18
    Vertebrate - Alan, 16. Insists he was bom in the wrong decade. Writes poetry and loves The Cure, but not because of South Park.
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  • 19
    Canidae - Rick, 58. Smokes cigars, watches Fox News on full volume, better not catch you smoking any reefer under his roof, thinks Trump's a jerk but "damn it he tells it like it is" $1 bil DOWn OC
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  • 20
    Canidae - Valerie, 26. Had a one night stand but "doesn't usually do that". Wants her phone but it's so far. Can't adult today @doxie83
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  • 21
    Pug - Hank, 47. Wicked swing dancer & great fun at weddings, but you wouldn't let him babysit your kids.
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  • 22
    Dog - Beth, 35. Former drug addict but now 3 years clean. Doing really well thanks for asking
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  • 23
    Canidae - Michelle, 28. Just broke up with her boyfriend to focus on herself. Has no intention of going out. Loves Skinny
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  • 24
    Dog - Dwayne, 41. None of yo damn buiness. Move along son
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  • 25
    Mammal - Jonathan, 24. Don't call him John. Only drinks from single origin free trade toilet bowls. Says he's bi but he's not.
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  • 26
    Face - Erik, 43. Runs an architect business in Stockholm. Doesn't own a TV.
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  • 27
    Dog - Brooke, 42. Summers in Connecticut Owns 3 horses. Flirts with her son's SAT tutor. Her housekeeper knows too much @barkpost HH
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  • 28
    Dog breed - Brock, 14, hangs at the skatepark, comments "not funny" on funny memes, comments "fake" on YouTube videos
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  • 29
    Dog - Debbie, 45, drives a suburban, reads at the beach for a living, not mad you lied to her, just disappointed.
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